Dark side of the moon
by MercuryM
Summary: Even the moon had a dark side and that didn't make her any less beautiful. And Clarke came to realise that as long as Bellamy accepted her dark side, she didn't mind having one at all. They all had demons after all, and hers seemed to be eager to play with his. AU, 1x07.


**Word Count:** 2,579  
**Rating:** T  
**Warnings:** mentions of torture, language.  
**Pairing: **Clarke Griffin/Bellamy Blake  
**Summary: **Even the moon had a dark side and that didn't make her any less beautiful. And Clarke came to realise that as long as Bellamy accepted her dark side, she didn't mind having one at all. They all had demons after all, and hers seemed to be eager to play with his. AU of SE01EP07.  
**AN:** Another contribution from me to the wonderful fandom. This will stay a oneshot but those of you who have read my other Bellamy/Clarke story, _Whiteness_, will be happy to learn (hopefully) that I plan on turning that one into a multi-chapter fic in the near future. I'm just waiting to see where the plot of the show plans to go. Again, special thanks to Ro for beta'ing this for me! Read, review, enjoy!

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**Dark side of the moon**

"Do it."

Bellamy looked at her and their eyes met. There was desperation in both their gazes.

Torture.

The word left a bitter taste in Clarke's mouth. She never thought that she'd stoop that low – to inflict pain on another human being.

But they were doing it for Finn. They needed the antidote. It was for the greater good but why was she feeling like the worst kind of person… maybe she was.

A whoosh and the makeshift whip in Bellamy's hand hit skin. The Grounder's muffled scream of pain was overshadowed by Octavia's shouts to stop.

Another whoosh, another hit, another scream.

Clarke closed her eyes. She didn't want to see it, to hear it, to feel it.

It was for Finn. But it hurt so much.

It was tearing her from the inside. This was different from the mercy kill she granted to Atom. He was dying, the acid fog was in his lungs, and there was no way to save him. She simply had ended his suffering.

But there was nothing simple in taking another's person life. Be it a mercy kill or the kind of stuff they were doing right now. It left a stain on them, on their souls and personalities, on her for agreeing, on Bellamy for carrying it out.

And it was slowly tearing them inside out.

She could see it in Bellamy's dark eyes, in the tension of his shoulders, in the way he was holding back as he landed yet another hit. He didn't want to do this anymore than she did or Octavia did. Unfortunately they needed the antidote and Bellamy took the burden of their decision and did everything he could to save one of their own.

He was changing, maybe he wasn't aware of it but Clarke was. She had watched him, kept every move of his in her range of vision, questioned every step he took, challenged his authority whenever she got the chance. For Bellamy it used to be him and Octavia against the world. His little sister was the only family he got left and he was capable of doing anything just to keep her safe at his side. Even if it meant signing his own death warrant.

It was part of his character that Clarke both admired and disliked greatly. Maybe because she always thought that a single individual didn't matter that much as long as the group survived.

A life lost for the greater good was a life well lived.

She used to think so. But the reality turned out to be different.

Sure she granted Atom eternal rest and went to save Jasper and tried to make Murphy see reason with the Charlotte situation but if Clarke had to be honest with herself she didn't do it just because it was the right thing; some part of it was because she was scared, so scared. Scared of being disposable, of not being important, of being alone, of being a burden. Scared of people knowing that she wasn't the goody-two shoes that people labeled her to be, that she wasn't simply a privileged kid born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Scared of them finding out that she had a dark side to her light one as well, a side she had refused to acknowledge before.

On the Ark she didn't matter, she was the kid of the doctor and because of that people thought that she had something over them. Truth was she had been powerless to do anything. Her blood, her position in the society the Ark had built didn't help with anything when it came to saving her father. He was sent to space and she was sent to prison, a little white cell with windows showing her the Earth in all its colors, in all its beauty, in its all inaccessibility. It had mocked her, laughed at her, she, as an individual, didn't matter when it came to the bigger picture. And she had fiercely believed in that.

Then Bellamy came along and her world and her beliefs were turned upside down.

The way he looked after Octavia, how he cared for little Charlotte, how he seemed to extend that protection over the whole group one at a time was something Clarke had hard time comprehending. Every voice here mattered, she as an individual mattered, and Bellamy needed her.

_Her_. Clarke Griffin.

And right at this moment, as another sickening meeting of flesh and belt made her open her eyes and accept the consequences of her decisions, Clarke admitted that she needed him too.

Him, and not Finn, no matter how much that realisation hurt. Bellamy, because he was slowly making her feel significant, Bellamy, because he showed her a world beyond the black and white glasses she used to look through, Bellamy, because he urged her to be stronger.

He had found her dark side, the one she didn't know she possessed until she had set foot on Earth, and he had accepted it as a part of her. Something that made the whole package Clarke be Clarke. He had seen all that and had accepted the good with the bad.

And she wanted to do the same. The possessiveness, the arrogance, the commanding attitude, the secretly hidden caring side, and the issues he is having, the way he didn't really let people get close to him, the hit-first mentality – all of that was a small part of everything that Bellamy was.

Clarke took a deep breath and accepted all of him, too. His darkness, his light, it was all Bellamy.

And watching him torture their prisoner made her aware of how breakable he was. He was human like all of them, and no matter how much he pretended to be strong and unaffected by the things he was forced to do for all of them, he was sinking in the abyss of self-hate until eventually Clarke was sure he would snap like a twig. And then who will be their leader? Who will make her think and see beyond her own limitations? Who will be her rock in this god forsaken world, who if not for Bellamy will make her live with the darkness inside of her that frightened her and made her shake in the middle of the night?

"Bellamy, stop." Her voice was no more than a whisper but he heard her and froze mid-motion, the makeshift whip dangled miserably from his hand. "This is not who we are. This is not what we do."

He turned to face her. His features were set in a cold stone mask and a muscle twitched along his jaw as he gritted his teeth.

"Who we are and who we need to be to survive are two very different things, princess." He spread his hands wide open and let the belt hit the ground. "What do you want me to do, hm? Do you want me to set him free and pat him on the back for being a good little boy?" He gestured angrily at the Grounder.

"That son of a bitch took my sister and chained her to a wall. Then he stabbed Finn with a poisonous knife and now won't tell us which one of these" Bellamy reached down and took one of the small vials sitting in front the chained Grounder "is the fucking antidote!" The last part of the sentence he screamed right to her face.

"So do enlighten me, princess, what the fuck I'm supposed to do because I sure as hell don't plan on letting Finn die because little bit of torture is making you squeamish."

He shook the dark sweaty hair out of his eyes and turned around to get the red belt. "You're welcomed to leave if this doesn't sit well with you."

Raven screamed from below to hurry up.

"I'm not leaving until I get the antidote." Clarke willed her voice to sound strong and steady. "But I'll not sit and watch you torture him anymore." _Nor will I sit back and watch you destroy yourself._

Two steps and he was nearly touching her. "You agreed to do this, Clarke." The room was heavy with tension. Every set of eyes was watching them.

"I was desperate and I was wrong." She was trying to hide her shaking so bad but even then he noticed. He always did.

"You're incorrigible!" His angry shout resonated inside the metal box they were in shortly followed by the deafening meeting of the belt with the wall of the metal construction.

Bellamy clenched his fists tightly and willed the tsunami of rage and hopelessness down. They had no time for fights; every second wasted was another second less that Finn had to live. Why couldn't she see that? He was doing this for them, for Finn, for her.

Clarke just kept on watching him. He was ready to lash out at her or worse – give up. She didn't want either. Why couldn't he see that she was doing this for him?

"Please, let me try again." All heads turned to Octavia.

The younger Blake had tear stains down her cheeks and her lips were bitten to blood from where she had tried to stop her useless objections.

"Please," she begged again, "he saved my life. Let me try, _please_."

Clarke took in a shaky breath. "One chance, Bellamy. Give her one more chance." The blond also pleaded with him to understand, to believe, to stop the pain he was causing to himself.

His dark eyes stared at her and Clarke felt naked, her whole soul was his to judge, her fears his to chase away or prove.

He looked at his little baby girl. "You have one shot, Octavia. Don't fuck this up." Then he turned back to Clarke, "If this doesn't work Finn's blood will be on your hands." With that Bellamy moved out of her way and sat next to the exit hatch.

Finn's blood was already on her hands but she knew what he really meant. The question was could she live with the guilt of killing Finn because of her fucked up way of trying to protect Bellamy from himself?

And as she observed how he watched his sister, not missing a single detail, how he flinched when she picked up the knife that Clarke had thrown to the side and how he forced himself to sit still and not shake some sense in his sister like how he clearly wished to, Clarke found out that the answer came easily to her. She wasn't willing to sacrifice Finn but she couldn't afford to lose Bellamy in the long run either. Between the two of them Bellamy would always be her final choice.

Funny how it took one Grounder for her to see that.

She shuffled her feet and finally went to sit next to Bellamy. It wasn't the wisest choice she could have made – he was mad at her, and the glare he threw her way was more than enough proof for that. But this way she could also see the relief that washed over his body when Octavia came back with the antidote, when he realised that there was no need to cause pain anymore. The alleviation he received took years off his frame, the burden he was caring appeared lighter, the path in front of him didn't seem as sombre as it used to moments ago.

It was all she wanted.

An hour later, when she had administrated the antidote between Octavia and Finn and the storm had stopped to light drizzle, Clarke found herself wandering the empty campsite. The clouds had started slowly dispersing and the oval shape of the moon was shyly peeking behind one the branches of one of the bigger trees. Looking around and noting the condition of the camp there was only one thought going through her mind – what a mess.

"Yes, it is." Bellamy's voice startled her and she turned around to see him walking towards her; apparently she had said that out loud. "But it's our mess and we have to fix it."

Clarke's eyes hungrily looked over his body. He looked and sounded better and he appeared to be more clear-headed. And judging by the customary smirk on his face he wasn't all that cross with her.

"I'm sorry for before." Clarke nodded to the main building where Finn was resting under Raven's watchful eyes, and where the Grounder was currently being tended to by Octavia.

"Yeah, well, you know how to break a party." His tone was flippant but there was seriousness in his gaze.

"Don't get me wrong," she moved closer to him and felt a flicker of excitement at the sudden realisation that he towered over and she could fit in his arms rather nicely, "I'm not sorry for stopping you. I'm sorry for giving you green light to go with it to being with."

"Worried what little bit of torture will do to your soul, princess?" The playfulness was gone and the air felt charged with energy.

"No, worried about yours." Her father always laughed how she could be stupidly brave at times and Clarke was pretty sure that this was one of those moments. After all it's not every day that you imply you have feelings to the person you fancy, a person that could easily rip her apart from the inside if he wished to do so.

"Don't you know? I don't have a soul."

"Then I guess I'll have to share mine." He narrowed his eyes.

"I'm not sure you can handle all of my demons." Now didn't that sound like a challenge? And she did happen to love challenges.

"We all have demons, Bellamy. I'm sure ours can co-exist together."

"What are you playing at?"

"Who said anything about playing?" And before her courage could leave her, Clarke grabbed his shoulders and pulled him closer to meet her lips in a harsh, bruising kiss that left them both gasping for air.

It felt liberating and Clarke loved every second of it.

Before she could move away from him Bellamy's hands circled her waist and pulled her closer to his body and the kiss he initiated included more than simple movements of lips, teeth, and tongues. It was hot and electrifying, full of scared hopes and dark promises.

It was acceptance and so much more.

Then there was a third and a forth kiss, and a fifth, shortly followed by a sixth. By their seventh Clarke had her hands around his neck and in his soft hair and Bellamy's hands were drawing imaginary patterns on her slick skin.

"Wait." Surprisingly it was him that pulled away first. "What about Finn?"

Clarke rolled her eyes and pushed him away. "Way to ruin the mood, Bellamy."

"Don't give me that. I've seen the way you look at him."

"And have you seen the way I look at you?" he blinked. "Plus, I just made my choice pretty obvious, don't you think?" With that Clarke turned around and started walking towards one of the sleeping quarters.

"Wait, are you being serious right now? Clarke?" He shouted after her and ran to catch up to her.

Clarke laughed and slowed down her walk.

She wasn't a saint. Then again, neither was he.

But even the moon had a dark side.

And that didn't make her any less beautiful.

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_Well, no smut in this one but I'll still be happy to hear your reactions/opinions/thoughts about this._

**- M.**


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